The "Calm" After the Storm

Healing From Surgery, Choosing a Different Path and the Synchronicities that Continue to Guide me...

Because part one was super long, I knew I would need to continue the story and share where I'm at now and how I got here. I don't think it'll be as long, but who am I kidding? (I promise it won't be nearly as long) Once I was settled in my room and the chaos settled down I attempted to sleep; that would become nearly impossible, every hour on the hour I was wide awake. I complained, jokingly to the nurse who kept telling me to sleep that they were too loud. I was right outside the nurses station. It was bright and it was loud, constant beeps, a fellow patient near by with his own TV at volume 100 at all times. She reminded me I was in a hospital, not at home. She kind of laughed as she said that to me. I was with it enough to recognize the irony, I didn't laugh but wasn't surprised either. Hospitals should be places of solitude and healing. People in hospitals are sick and wounded, they need calm, quiet, healing energy as much as possible. A hospital, is anything but and they don't really care (I'm not at all saying the "people" don't care - I'm saying the system doesn't care so it's not designed to be healing). That night and every night I was there I was super grateful for my night nurses - they were AMAZING. In fact all the nurses were for the most part but the first nurses I had the first couple of days and the nights, those women had found their calling. Even the man who came around to clean our rooms (the floors, garbage's etc.) he was the kindest man. He stopped and chatted with every patient, made sure he remembered everyone's name. I was wildly impressed with him and he said he only worked weekends. That floor and hospital was lucky to have him. Few people like him exist.

This was a day or two after surgery - color had come back to my cheeks (even though my hemoglobin was critically low) but I felt good and sent this pic to my sister and mom to show I was a bit more "alive"

The lady beside me was in rough shape. She was on a foley catheter and had been in the hospital for a whole week before me due to a bowl obstruction with her Stoma. I learned she had already had a double mastectomy and chemo - she was talking about her hair having grown back. She had a hysterectomy at some point and was missing a good chunk of her bowel (hence the stoma). I don't know how she was alive honestly. They were checking on her as often as they did me that first night, but with her, it was every night. The rest of the nights, I would try to sleep and they would come in every 4 hours the 2nd night and every 6 hours the last two nights but with her, it was almost every 2 hours. Add to that, the additional fluids they were pumping me with hoping my hemoglobin would stabilize, I was up every 30 minutes to be in the bathroom. So I barely had any sleep. And then there was the meals. The food. Oh my gosh the food. It was the grossest thing. Hospitals are known for not being great but it's literal insanity. I managed to eat a few things but in the entire time I was there - almost 5 days, I had 1 banana, 1 orange and that's it for fruit. Our veggies were water soaked in something funky like bleach (not likely but tasted like that) - they were always frozen veg, never fresh steamed or raw. One day we had cream of mushroom soup....It was white water. Not a mushroom in sight, or cream for that matter. I created a little video montage of our food below. The waffle sticks were easily 4 days old and had been frozen for who knows how long prior. They were as dry as can be and tasted - I don't even know. Like chemicals. I took a bite, spit it out and sent in my daily request for food to my mom and sister. Now, I had been eating sugar free and super clean for 3 months at this point. Any processed or chemical washed foods, I could taste really well. Our proteins were fried chicken, processed turkey (special on the Sunday) and one hard boiled factory farmed egg every other day. The bread was soggy - like squeeze it out soggy and tasted like chemicals, they likely used margarine to "butter" the bread. Suffice it to say, every time my mom/family/sister came down, they got an order from me. They brought me fresh fruit, cucumbers, my herbal tea, sandwiches etc., one day I even got a lettuce wrapped Teen Burger - a guilty pleasure. I had a cooler bag they kept replenishing for me, I wasn't going to get better on the slop they were feeding me. The lady beside me, had no visitors and hadn't the whole week prior apparently either. Everyday she ate that stuff. And she wasn't getting better. I later learned she was rushed into the hospital via ambulance and chose not to tell anyone. Her cell phone had died and she didn't have time to grab a charger so essentially she was in hospital off grid for a long time. My heart hurt for her. My heart breaks for people who have extended stays in the hospital with no help. It's no wonder people stay sick. There wasn't anything nutritious in any one of those meals. And it's NOT necessary and should be criminal. The volume these hospitals use for food, surely they can get a deal on bulk good food - it's so sad - but really, even I could have come up with a better healthier menu and I don't cook. It's really not that complicated. They just won't do it. They do, however like to promote their black box warning medications, that was for sure.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/6e75cc_c2587bc5a5b94dc9b2296fc73312e31f/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

Every morning at 6:00am the blood work people would wake you up. This was usually the only time I was actually catching a few winks. They'd take your blood and leave. Then the surgical team did their rounds by 6:30am / 7:00am. I always saw Dr. Lesniak later in the day. Every 4 or 6 hours I would have a nurse come in, check my blood pressure and offer me Tylenol or Tramadol. It was for pain management. I have a stellar pain tolerance but also despise Tylenol. It's HORRIBLE for you and your liver. I wasn't having any part of it. The nurses would laugh at me every time I said no. We had many conversations about why I didn't want it. Every 4-6 hours, we'd rinse and repeat the same conversation. I did ask if they could give me ANYTHING else and the answer was always no until the last night I was in hospital and they agreed to give me Dilaudid and Gravol so I could sleep. I hated taking it but was desperate to sleep at that point. The morning after surgery, I had 4 or 5 doctors around my bed, one with a clip board or something, maybe it was an iPad I don't know but one was taking notes, others were just there and one did the talking. Each day, they came in super early and each day a different person would talk. I was told that surgery was very complicated, and they weren't sure at one point what was going to happen, it was a long (longer than they anticipated) complicated surgery, but Dr. Lesniak managed to put me back together really well. I thanked them and said I was grateful to not be on a wound vac. They explained my fancy bandage that I had on - it was called a PICO and was a bandage with a long tube. That tube sucked out negative pressure with a battery pack.

These bandages run around $650 each - I had 4 in total I think, they changed them every week. Wild. They also confirmed I could take the leg contraptions off since I was moving around more. They were to prevent blood clots from non movement after surgery. And they said they were going to up my IV fluids - I had lost a litre of blood in surgery and they almost gave me a transfusion but managed to stabilize me in the OR, that morning my Hemoglobin had gone down and my blood pressure was the lowest I had ever seen it. At one point on Saturday night I think my BP was 58/80. Once the fluids increased, I was up moving all the time going to the bathroom. Every morning we had a chat about how I was doing and later in the morning or afternoon, Dr. Lesniak would come to talk to me. First couple of days he was his serious very professional self but he was also lighter as the days went on, I could tell he was happy surgery went the way it did, and that I was recovering the way I was. Took a few days to get him to smile. But you could tell he was super happy with how the surgery went. I can only imagine there is a certain relief when you're a surgeon and surgery goes better than you expect it to. Even when it's tough. I did lose my pectoral muscle and 18 lymph nodes in total. The official "medical terminology" that Dr. Lesniak confirmed in a letter to my GP post surgery went like this: "Today I had the pleasure of seeing Michelle back in postoperative follow up clinic. She is a 49 year old who presented with a massive cystic neoplasm occupying the entire right breast with necrosis of the upper pole skin. Biopsy of 2 solid components showed high-grade triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma. Initial biopsy of an abnormal lymph node was negative. Case was originally discussed at multidisciplinary rounds with potential plan for neoadjuvant chemotherapy. Unfortunately following cyst drainage her upper pole wound broke down resulting in a big gaping wound in the breast. There was no potential for neoadjuvant chemotherapy and the patient was taken for emergency surgery. At the time of surgery the cystic lesion occupied the entire right breast. We were unable to get behind the lesion posteriorly and therefore a radical mastectomy was performed removing pectoralis major together with level one and level two axillary node dissection" We would need to wait on pathology to confirm he got everything. I prayed he did. He was fairly confident he had, but we had to wait. Waiting was not and is not my strength so this whole experience has been a great test and opportunity for growth. Thankfully I had a bunch of other results that had come back prior to surgery. My bone scan showed NO signs of any "C" in my bones. THANK GOD. We knew it hadn't metastasized to the bones. Phew! I did, however learn from that report that my kidney on the left side was substantially smaller than my right one. Huh. The one I had 21 rounds of radiation on. So radiation actually shrunk it, there was no other explanation, this wasn't an issue prior to the radiation. It was also not mentioned at my 5 year post radiation scan, which now leads me to believe in the 5 years since I was cleared from the Cross Cancer, my kidney has slowly deteriorated and is now much smaller, thankfully my kidney function is still optimal. This was one more reason for me to say no to any further treatments going forwards if I had surgery first (which I did). We knew my one lymph node biopsy was also clear. GREAT news. A lot of the times lymph nodes are also cancerous when you're dealing with Breast cancer - we knew the one they tested pre-surgery was okay. I knew I might lose some, I didn't expect to lose 18. In the average surgery, they generally take 1-3 sentinel lymph nodes and 10-40 axillary. Because my tumor was so aggressive, he erred on the side of caution and took a swack of them. We had discussed this, I was okay with it. I had a CT scan coming up in 3 weeks and that was the next big hurdle. I prayed HARD that there was no "mets" to anywhere else in the body. And we had to wait on the genetic exam to see if I had BRCA mutation. That test would end up taking over 3 months to get back. So normally, the average person diagnosed with breast cancer goes through the pre-testing to get a diagnosis. They meet with a surgeon eventually and then have their case discussed in rounds with Oncologists etc. That meeting of specialists determines "best plan" moving forward. Almost always it's a protocol of Chemotherapy or what they refer to as neoadjuvant treatment. When you are done this treatment, which could be 3-4 months or more, you'd wait a month and then be scheduled for surgery. Each diagnosis is different but this is the "standard" for the most part. So when you get your surgery and you have had a few months for your genetic test to return, when you are up for surgery you can decide if you want a double mastectomy in the event you do have the BRCA mutation. It's an elective surgery to remove the 2nd breast but while they're doing the surgery for the breast with cancer, they can fix you up so you don't have to deal with another potential breast cancer diagnosis. This is a decision you can make pre-surgery. In my case, I didn't know what my genetics said AND my surgery was emergency so when we found out that the genetic exam said I had no pre-disposition for any cancer genes, it was a big relief. On Monday September 1st I was woken up early for the usual blood work and an hour later I was met by the surgical team as was the norm each day. They said I was healing well and by all accounts, it was likely I could go home that day. The blood they took that morning was being tested and depending on those results, when I saw Dr. Lesniak later in the morning he would confirm if I could go home. My hemoglobin the night before had rallied. It was almost lunch time and I hadn't seen Dr. Lesniak; a couple of friends were visiting and a nurse popped in to tell me that my hemoglobin had crashed, I wasn't going anywhere and would be getting a blood transfusion. UGH. I did not want to get blood, I would have rather rushed a couple of good steaks or burgers down to the hospital but there wasn't time. I was wheeled down to xray first so they could make sure I didn't have any internal bleeding. I didn't.

When I got back up, I was put on my first of two blood bags. My Hemoglobin was showing "critical" at 62g/L - the average normal range is over 120g/L. It came up to 90g/L post the transfusion and they discharged me on Tuesday with my Hemoglobin at 88g/L. I would get my blood tested several weeks later and it was in the normal range at 134g/L. Oddly enough, the night of surgery when I came out super hot, that was the last time I would ever "run hot". Since the blood transfusion (and possibly surgery), I am cold all the time. This is a new phenomenon for me and it's almost funny. I joke whoever's blood I got, they must have been cold all the time. It could be the 55lbs of weight I've lost (a bit less insulation), could be that I have no documented proof of disease at this point (my body is working stronger), it could be the blood..new blood, New me! I don't know but as someone who LOVES cooler weather, reacting to it and being super cold is weird for me. Conversely, I hated being hot all the time and didn't like warm weather, yet when I was recently in Vegas, it was 27 degrees Celsius and I wasn't hot at all. Old Michelle, she would have complained about the heat ALL day. In Vegas, I was in heaven! I still prefer cooler days but I'm stoked about being able to tolerate heat a bit better now too. On Tuesday September 2, the day I was discharged, Dr. Lesniak came by around 10am and changed my PICO bandage by himself and had a look at my incision (I say this because the nurses came in later to ask and laughed that he had done it without their help - I assumed it was normal but they must have expected him to ask or get them to to it). He was super happy with how I was healing and how the incision looked and how well I seemed to be doing. He gave me the all clear and a few hours later, I was on my way home. I had a follow up appointment 3 weeks later where he would remove my drains and hopefully get the all clear!

All packed up and back in normal clothes - stoked to go home!

I spent the first several days home sleeping in a chair. The bandage was super tight as was my skin and laying flat was uncomfortable. I travelled with a pillow between me and the seatbelt and started doing my daily walks again the day after I got home. At first we (my mom and I) walked maybe 20 minutes. The next day was over 30 minutes. Within a week of being home, I was walking one hour everyday again with the dogs. It felt amazing. My CT Scan was booked for Friday September 19. I had a follow up with Dr. Lesniak on September 16. He had good news for me because my pathology report had come back. I had already reviewed it but he confirmed what it said. All margins were clear. The tumor was 16 cm - the average tumor usually only 5 cm. The lymph nodes - all 18 that were removed, clear. The Pathologist had noted a microscopic spot that she suggested be looked at and potentially treated but Dr. Lesniak said he had phoned her to tell her he had gotten it all and that margin was essentially clear. I was told that he had to send a diagram of what he did in surgery to make all the samples make sense.

This is a wild amount of information and many words I didn't understand but in the end, the path was all clear.

He then took out my drains and let me tell you that is the MOST unpleasant experience. It's quick and dirty but those suckers had been in for 3 weeks and my body was healing around the tubes and when he pulled them out, something he's done clearly oodles of time, I was not as prepared as I thought I would be. Oof. It was awful. But it was quick and once done it felt awesome to not be attached to anything I needed to drain. It was a full month of drains and I was finally done. Yippee! When we were looking at my incision and how well it was healing my mom teased him about getting him to hem her curtains for her. Was fun to see everyone smiling this time. I definitely have a scar, that's a given but it's super neat and not nearly as big as I expected and it healed so well, considering there was a time we thought I would need a skin graft, there was no better news. I'm now 12 weeks post op and noticed the other night that parts of my scar aren't nearly as red anymore and will likely fade quite nicely. The huge hole I had in my armpit isn't big anymore like it was and I have full range of motion with my arm. If not for the scar and this story, you'd never know I had surgery.

Sans right breast - this white bandage is the PICO bandage. The "tail" at the end of it attached to the hose you can see on my pants and that attached to a battery pack. The small square bandage is my two drains. This picture doesn't show the "hole" in my armpit (it was under the bandage) and I do wish I had taken a pic of it once the PICO came off.

That visit with Dr. Lesniak felt NIGHT and day different from our first one, except ironically, I was 1000x more nervous with this appointment than I was with the first one AND surgery - I don't know why but I was a bag of nerves waiting to see him. I was and will forever be eternally grateful I ended up with Dr. Lesniak. I can't explain this but I don't think any other surgeon would have done anywhere near as good a job. For some reason that I will never understand, he got my case and was MY surgeon (I don't believe in coincidences) And he got me through possibly the scariest health scare of my life, in better condition than both of us ever imagined. I had decided to get my passport photo taken that day so was dolled up a bit more than usual and for sure a LOT more than he had ever seen me. When he came in, he looked surprised and was super happy with how healthy I looked and commented I was looking good. It was so nice to see him smile. He said that the Oncologists would still want to meet with me. I kept my thoughts about chemo to myself this time and just nodded. I would likely still need to do treatment of some kind, they would confirm and when I was done, in 8 months or so, I could come back and he would happily talk to me about reconstruction or reduction on my left side. At that point, I wasn't doing any of it. I had decided that all my decisions regarding treatment were going to be based on what my CT scan later that week showed. I went to the Leduc Hospital, was in and out in 20 minutes. Two hours later I got my results. And I cried.

There is no evidence the cancer spread anywhere else in my body. The relief I felt was so wild. I cried for hours after. Not from frustration, but from gratitude. Now, I knew exactly what was next and for me - that was living. I've gotten through Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Meningitis and I've gotten an auto-immune under control, this was my final wake up call. This was my body telling me enough was enough, I wasn't taking care of myself at all and this was the McDaddy of wake up calls. Going forwards I was going to make sure I didn't fall back and I would continue to keep learning about how to keep my cells happy. My life, now depends on it. My goal is to send a Christmas card in 10, 20, 30 years to Dr. Lesniak with thanks for giving me back my life. On October 1st I met with Dr. Pettigrew. She was the Oncologist assigned to my case and our meeting was a little over 45 minutes long. My only plan was to hear her out with an open mind. She confirmed I wouldn't need the full compliment of chemo, instead of the 4 or 5 drugs, I would be taking 2. I would NOT need a Muga scan now (I'm wicked glad I pushed back and never did that scan- see Part 1). In addition to the 2 chemo drugs I would get by IV infusion every 3 weeks, I would get prescriptions for a wig, and 5 additional drugs to help with side effects, one of the drugs would pull my white cells out of my bone marrow to replenish the white cells leached and killed by the chemo - that sounded fun. They would want me to start Chemo within 12 weeks of surgery. So, right away. Why within 12 weeks of surgery? not 14 or 15 weeks post surgery? Well, the studies show that it's only effective within 12 weeks. Not sure if I'm the only one that sees the stupidity in this but that was my first confirmation of why this made no sense for me. If I started chemo in week 13, that was too late, but not week 12. I was told within 2 weeks my hair would start to fall out, as someone who already wears wigs, this fact didn't bother me. What did bother me was that the "medicine" was so strong, it would destroy my hair in two weeks. I would NOT be able to continue with most of my holistic remedies (specifically the herbs and supplements), I was told I could eat whatever I wanted. I was told that the chemo would either be less effective or more effective if I continued the herbs and it was not recommended, the herbs have a lot to do with how good I feel so that felt off to me. I was asked what my baseline health was. How I felt then, was that my baseline? I told her not even close. I felt better and still do than I ever have maybe in my entire adult life. They didn't expect that answer. I could tell by the look on her face. This was a conversation I had often with Chelsea. She would call me weekly post surgery to check in and see how I was doing. I don't know if she was supposed to but I was grateful for her calling, she was a huge help in getting me into surgery too and I really enjoy talking to her. Something in my soul tells me she's been put in her position to make a major difference in the lives of the people like me and I looked forward to her calling. We often talked about how weird it was for her to call me and hear how well I was doing. A lot of the times, when she makes these calls, the people on the other end aren't doing so great. My attitude and pep was refreshing. I would wonder what made me so special, why was my attitude so different? What was the difference? Before and after surgery, I knew I needed surgery and I was far from a good patient prior to surgery. I was argumentative at times, I was frustrated and combative, I cried a lot but that was only when I was dealing with the Comprehensive Breast Care clinic ladies. Chelsea heard it all but when I talked to her, I was also hopeful and tried to keep my head level. Post surgery I was in a much lighter space and felt amazing, I was healing well, I had nothing to be upset about anymore. I would chat with Chelsea and then wonder why the other calls she would make would be less happy. And then it hit me. The majority of women in my position have no choice but to do chemo first. They spend months destroying their health and immune system "fighting" this disease. It's so backwards - even just the word "fight" seems aggressive. So they fight this disease with debilitating chemicals, then a month after their immune system is essentially destroyed, they get a life altering surgery they have to somehow recover from. It's awful. Somehow big Pharma has decided chemo is the "less evasive" way to tackle this problem. It's really not. Did you know that if I had decided to do Chemo, every time I went to the washroom it was recommended I flush the toilet twice - just to make sure no residual chemo is left behind that could essentially be picked up by those not needing it. I was told in a chemo class, that after treatment, it wasn't recommended to kiss or "swap" saliva with my partner (this doesn't apply to me currently but was wild to hear). They shared "other ideas" of how to be intimate with your partner during treatment. When asked if certain foods would help or hinder - we were told we could eat anything (this is insane). In the treatment rooms, I'm told you are given access to ginger ale pop, cookies, chocolate bars and other very surgery snacks. This is also insane. And when someone asked if they should get the Covid Shot before treatment, the answer was a RESOUNDING YES! do not wait! This is INSANITY. Especially since we know the cause of these turbo cancers people have lately has a lot to do with this shot. This isn't on the doctors. Or the nurses. They know what they were taught, they were taught by big Pharma (Pfizer publishes most of their text books), that doesn't absolve them but I do believe many are in the health field to help, they're just stuck in a machine of insanity. Some of these people are angels in disguise and if not for them, a lot of us wouldn't survive our ordeals. But the admin of these hospitals has made it clear, they are a business. Full stop. The intention of you getting well once buried deep into their grip, is almost 0%. That, is intentional. An unfortunate truth but the truth all the same. I asked if my scans and blood are all showing super healthy, how would we know the chemo works? What exactly would I need chemo for? I was told "it was for the cells we can't see". Well, by that estimation, we should all be doing chemo no? Now I realize I WAS diagnosed with the big "C" and a super aggressive one at that so obviously this was a precautionary protocol. With no proof it would work and no guarantee, but she referred to it as Insurance. There just wasn't a metric to test it. With both Chemo and radiation, here will be no way to know it worked. I asked what my prognosis was, how long would someone like me survive something like this. The answer: they don't know. Often it's based on studies, for me, there isn't anyone with my diagnosis, with the type of cyst and an emergency surgery in the studies to reference. Had I done Chemo, they may have had a more concrete answer, but for me, there was no answer of what adjuvant treatment would do or if it would work. I was told if I decided against chemo, that I should still consider radiation along the incision. Having experienced 21 rounds of radiation years ago, I wasn't on board with that either. Especially now since I have no muscle, no buffer between my skin and my chest wall. The radiation would radiate my skin, but it would also go deeper, into my heart, maybe my lungs. I asked the oncologist if these treatments could trigger and cause cancer. She said they absolutely could but the risk of that vs. the risk of me still having it in my body, that they couldn't see was worth considering these treatments. For me, that was backwards. For the first time in my adult life I feel incredible. I feel strong, healthy and my thinking is the clearest it's been in a long time. To consider going into conventional treatment to essentially treat something I have no proof exists but know without a doubt will make me sick seems like a terrible idea. My faith is super strong and has gotten stronger. I believe with all my heart that if my time on this planet is coming to an end, whether I do treatment or not, really won't matter much. I don't feel like it is my time and I know I have a lot more living to do and I have had some pretty surreal "resonances" that this whole experience was a MASSIVE wake up call. A wake up call to get my health in line FINALLY. A wake up call to LIVE. I may make a much smaller post about this resonance another day but suffice it to say, there is something deep in my core that tells me this isn't the end. And every time I contemplate doing conventional treatment, I hear a loud and very definitive NO. I have an appointment with the Radiologist middle of December and I will go hear them out. I'm curious what they think 3 months after surgery they'll be radiating and what metric they would use to confirm it worked. It's HIGHLY unlikely that I will go down this road, especially knowing that previous radiation treatments shrunk a very healthy organ once already. I was told I am Stage 3 - simply based on the size and complexity of the tumor. I was told there is a 30-40% chance this disease could come back (that percentage is pretty much same with treatment) so in true Michelle being stubborn fashion, I'm listening to my intuition and will not be doing any conventional treatment at this time. I'm not convinced it helps in anyway and I've only ever seen it do harm. So, I will take my herbs, my functional medicine and my intuition and run with that. Like I said, if my ticket to heaven is being punched, I'm going either way. I'd rather not speed it up taking copious amounts of chemicals calling it medicine. I realize my opinion on conventional treatments may offend some and that is not my intention at all. I'm also not saying I would never do conventional treatment (although that is more likely than not - it's not out of the realm of my mind being changed). Everyone on this journey has to do what feels best for them at the moment they have to decide. I already did 21 rounds of radiation - I've tasted the conventional route - it's not for me. The medical world, for all it's good, spends a great deal of time scaring the absolute shit out of people once diagnosed. I knew that from my first round and I wasn't going to let that happen this time around or any other time. I have done a LOT of reading, a lot. I wish people knew that "cancer" is a mitochondrial cell dysfunction and that it isn't something to be feared, it is your body trying to protect you and yes you can absolutely die from it but if you act quickly, get a team in line to support you and don't let the foot off the gas to get what you need medically to make these decisions, you can heal, many of us have. There are many holistic things you can do to help your body repair and heal and while it's a lot and it is insanely expensive there is a lot to learn, even just small steps can make HUGE differences. Chemo, on the other hand destroys all the bad cells. And your good cells. Nothing good can come from that. But don't wait to make these changes, don't do what I did and ignore your health. Start now, start today and it may be the best gift you ever give yourself.

I had been home for 3 weeks and a friend who I hadn't seen in over a year reached out and asked if she could tell me about a product she had access to and her mom's experience with it. I'm always open to hearing about potential health support and was happy to chat. This product she had access to that was a Glutathione accelerator, not a supplement. I was familiar with glutathione, having been involved with a company called MaxGXL years ago and I was currently on a supplement from Frankie called Acytel Glutathione. I'll stay away from the why except to say it's super important for healing and for our cells that glutathione is made/supplemented. So this product she was telling me about peaked my interest. Her and I had met via a meditation circle a few years back and only really connected at these events. That day, we both laughed at the synchronicity of our journey's - the original glutathione company MaxGXL she was also part of, we had gone to the same conferences - likely had run into each other at some point well over 20 years ago, and here we were discovering these coincidences (there are no coincidences). She said she wanted to introduce me to a doctor that was coming to her event, that she thought I'd really like listening to her. I was intrigued and made a plan to go. This night was one of the first times I drove by myself in a few weeks. I got to the event and found my seat. A few minutes later this friend brings this doc over to introduce us. I end up telling this doc that I recently had a mastectomy, I explain the surgery and she looks me dead and says "who was your surgeon?" Flippantly, I tell her it was Dr. Lesniak, I go into this tirade about how I didn't like him at first but now he's my hero and I'm insanely grateful for him. And then I catch myself and say to her, "do you know him?" she just nods and says "I know him, he's a good surgeon" I kinda laugh and say "of course you know him, Edmonton is small" her response "I was the doctor that had your case". The wind got sucked out of my chest, WHAT? She repeats she knows my case, well. She was my pathologist. And then I remembered seeing her name on my report. HOLY SHIT. What are the odds, 4 weeks to the exact day I meet the lady who got my discarded bits, examined them and rendered all margins clear. I was stunned. I couldn't believe it. As someone who believes there are no coincidences I right away tried to understand why this was happening. Why had my friend who was really a distant friend at the time called me when she did, why was the night I met my pathologist (someone most people never meet) the exact night of my surgery 4 weeks later. It was surreal. She was very quick to tell me I needed treatment, and I asked her to explain why. She did and I was appreciative of her advice and listened but also told her what I was doing - she was still convinced I needed the trad route. This lady is an absolute powerhouse of info, knowledge and medical experience. When I stopped at my parents that night to pick up my brother, as I told them about meeting her, I cried my eyes out. It still makes me emotional and I'm not totally sure why. After everything that happened getting me to surgery and having Dr. Lesniak as my surgeon after spending all summer assuming it was Dr. Peiris and being beyond grateful that I ended up with Dr. Lesniak for reasons I can't verbalize properly except to say (and I've said it before) there wasn't another surgeon that was better for me. Then to meet my Pathologist, who got my absolute mess of a breast and muscle and giant tumor and she dissected it and now I'm meeting her - the synchronicities started to feel wild. What was all this showing me. I am now in a position to learn from this pathologist on a regular basis and what more could I ask for? She is a doctor who lives in both worlds, holistic and allopathic - that's rare. What a gift. It's now been 12 weeks - three months since surgery and 7 months since the cyst I had went from small to bad. It's felt like a lifetime and a dream. I am down 55 lbs and feel amazing, better than I ever have in fact. The dogs and I walk 60-90 minutes everyday and I use my rebounder and vibration board 5-6x a week. I'm still fasting 16/8 and have plans to do several longer fasts (embarking on a 3 day liquid fast this week). My last blood work came back better than it has in my entire adult life - for the first time since I was a teenager, my white blood cells are "normal range". When I first learned I had malignant cells, I posted online sharing but also asking for prayers and I know many sent prayers my way and I will forever be grateful, I know they helped and they without doubt gave me strength when I was exhausted and scared. I truly believe a miracle was given to me. That cyst ramped up so fast the last two weeks before surgery and I truly believe it was divinely guided. The speed in which I've healed, divinely guided. My decision to not do conventional treatment, for sure divinely guided. Meeting Chelsea and Dr. Lesniak and the home care nurses that supported me, divinely guided. Meeting my pathologist, divinely guided. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I'll remain "disease free" I pray I do, but I have some amazing people and literal angels in my corner and I know this story isn't done - not yet. Going forwards, once I meet with the radiologist on December 9 and decline that treatment too, I will be effectively discharged from the Cross Cancer Clinic and will go into a "monitor" phase. This will mean my GP, Dr. Riany will keep an eye on me via scans and blood work over the next several years. They will want me to do mammograms (which I will continue to decline - will write about that another time) and instead will ask for Ultrasounds. I will not be given CT scans which seems crazy since the main concern is spread or lesions elsewhere but we'll keep an eye on the blood work and I'm considering a QT Scan or Prenuvo Scan in the states the next time I go (a lot less chaotic on our body than a CT or MRI) and a lot less cheaper than scans here in Canada. None of my doctors agree with my path. They all think I should do treatment, they all expressed concern that if I didn't I would potentially regret it. They've also all said, they respect my decision, the oncologist agreeing that either option has major risks. I'm willing to carry and own my risks, I'm not willing to carry and own big pharma risks. It's just not for me. Someday, when I'm headed to heaven, I will want the story I leave behind to say "Michelle lived with integrity and grit and she was stubborn as hell. Her departure was as much on her terms as the big guys and she's okay with it, she wants you to celebrate her life with laugher and joy, not sorrow and regret" I will not leave a "died after a lengthily battle" or "died after a valiant fight with cancer" story - it's not for me. I never did battle or fight with my own body. I have decided to love it dearly, to take care of it and to make the best of the remaining time I have on this crazy planet - whether that be 5 years, 15 years or another 40 years. Sunrises and sunsets look different to me now, colors seem brighter, those who I love, mean more to me than ever. We are powerful beyond what we can ever imagine and I plan to tap into that just a wee bit more in the days and years to follow. If you have read both of my blogs on this journey, please know how grateful I am, for the read and your time, for the notes I've been left and the hugs I've received. It's true that when you get "sick" the people who matter the most, will always appear and they have for me and those people have my heart forever. And for my miracle medical workers, I will forever be in their debt. I have been frustrated at why everything went down the way it did and there is only one explanation - the people I needed, had to be lined up for me and that took a bit of time. Once they were in the que, everything went fast - feels a bit like divine intervention. Thanks for reading ~M~